Each of us have needs. We all enter the world with needs: a need to be loved and accepted by family, friends, etc.
There are four basic areas of needs: love, accomplishment, self-esteem, and self-control. Interestingly enough, we all enter life with the same needs regardless of our race, gender, socio-economic status, country of origin, etc. Having needs acts as an equalizer and provides a baseline for human existence.
When our core needs don’t get met – anger comes in to help us deal with what we’re missing. Anger is a secondary emotion – meaning it comes to cover other emotions like, hurt, rejection, fear, and insecurity. We make mistakes when the inappropriate use of anger leads us to develop unhealthy coping strategies.
Not having our needs met often causes us to become stuck in one of the eight stages of psychosocial development, which can cause immaturity and a stunting of emotional and psychological growth.
Need – (1) necessity (2) something required that is lacking (your daily needs) (3) a condition
in which help is required.
Four Basic Needs
When needs are not met, anger leads us into developing coping strategies to avoid problems like family issues, criminal seduction, and marginalization.
4 common strategies are:
- Substitution: (replacement) using other people or things to meet the need. {(1) a person or thing serving or used in place of another; (2) to put, use, or serve in place of}
- The very attempt to substitute identifies our desire for the need to be met.
- Substitution indicates that there is some understanding on our part that having this need met is important.
- Substitution is self-validation on our part.
- Distortion: twisting out of shape, misrepresenting, emotional manipulation of the unmet need. {(1) to twist out of shape; (2) to misrepresent}
- Distortion indicates that there is some level of desperation on our part to get the need met.
- Distortion can become a psychological, emotional, and physical “gateway” to risky behavior that often leads to personal dysfunctions.
- Controlling and self-satisfying behaviors can grow out of distorted attempts to have needs met.
- Denial: denying the desire for or importance of the need. {(1) to declare untrue; (2) to refuse to accept as true or right}
- Denial becomes the psychological attempt to minimize the pain of losing hope that the need will ever be met.
- Denial is a method of psychologically “lowering expectations” regarding the importance of the need being met.
- Denial masks hurts/wounds from not getting the need met.
- Rejection: refusing to accept the legitimate attempts of others to meet the unmet need. {(1) to refuse to take, agree to, use, believe; (2) to discard}
- Rejection flows from the fear that desiring the need and being vulnerable will be extremely painful and unproductive.
- Rejection is entering a psychological state of deceptive self-control and “core altering belief development.
- Rejection allows for some individuals to repress the desire for the need to be met short-term and long-term.
- Rejection allows us to self-direct and self-select the needs that we believe are important.
When needs are met in an appropriate manner we benefit from the love and acceptance of family and friends, this acceptance and love helps us move through the eight stages of psychosocial development at the appropriate age.
When needs are met, we. . .
- Experience satisfaction; Increased level of self-worth;
- Sense of self-control and self-determination;
- Sense of acceptance; & Nurturing that leads to maturity.