Resiliency Development PowerPoint

The ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape.

Reframing

To re-frame means to change the spiritual and emotional setting in which a situation is experienced and to place the situation in a different spiritual and emotional frame – by validating the actual context of the situation, verifying personal responsibility during the situation, and identifying mitigating factors present during the situation– which fits the facts of the situation, but results in major components of the meaning of the situation being changed – or re-framed.

It was not until my early 20’s that I was able to successfully re-frame the abandonment and rejection of my parents. For years, the traumatic effects of the trauma I suffered had caused me to develop distorted core beliefs like “I’m not loveable” and “Everyone close to me will leave me.” These distorted core beliefs led to fatalistic and self-defeating coping strategies like “I’ll sabotage and prematurely end relationships on my terms, with the thinking that by sabotaging and prematurely ending relationships the pain won’t hurt as much.

After having a spiritual encounter and awakening that focused on being set free of past trauma, personal mistakes, and unforgiveness. This new focus really broadened my perspective and gave me real hope for a victorious future. As more focused on forgiveness, personal improvement, and understanding trauma increased I was able to decrease my focus on my personal trauma and increase my focus on trying to understand the thinking and actions of my parents.

Re-interpreting

Until this point in my life, I had always asked questions like “Why did this happen to me?” Why is life so unfair?” After the spiritual encounter and awakening I was able to start the process of re-interpreting the actions of my parents, I was able to start focusing on why my parents abandoned and rejected me. I was now able to understand some of the personal and collective trauma my parents were suffering through – at the age of 5 years old my father was a fall down drunk. At the same age my mother was dependent on alcohol as she had to have at least one drink every day. Dependency is based on volume – it’s based on the belief and behavior that I can’t live without, make decisions, or function without the drug/chemical. Over a period of focused effort empowered by new knowledge and hope I came to realize my parents were not purposely trying to hurt me – they were reacting negatively to the impacts of trauma on their individual lives as well as the trauma from their relationship.

Re-defining

As I was able to re-interpret my parent’s behavior towards me, that insight increased my self-image and my self-esteem. This new positive self-image and self-esteem fueled my desire to re-define myself. I began to understand that the trauma I had suffered was not my fault, that I wasn’t unlovable and not everyone close to me was going to leave me. I no longer felt powerless, and I now felt like a new person. Suddenly I began to feel like I was no longer the child of two alcoholic parents – I was now feeling like I wanted to re-define my life. I went on to become a Licensed Social Worker, Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor and I obtained my bachelor’s degree in counseling. The good thing is I’m still in the process of re-defining myself.

Re-designing

Like re-defining I’m still re-designing my life as well. To me re-designing is largely about correctly identifying the stage of life you’re in and then correctly identifying the tools you need to maximize that particular stage. Re-designing is also about making minor and major alterations to your life – alterations that can look completely different than trauma impacted stages of your life. During the re-defining and re-designing stages of my life I have experienced the immense pleasure of finding purpose in my painful and traumatic childhood – as a Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor I have the pleasure of collaborating with individuals addicted to drugs and alcohol. As I continue to re-design my life, I’m excited about what’s coming next!